I got my smell back!

Hi.

As I sit here on my free Pottery Barn love seat enjoying Property Brothers on HGTV I am elated. That's right ELATED. It is such a big word to use, I know this, but that is how I am feeling. Why you ask yourself? Well it's because I finally got my smell back. Stella may have gotten her groove, but I got my smell back! Now of course this is not something that one would normally be "elated" about, but for me it means I am back. Things are going to get good. When I had my smell previously I was on top of the world. Maybe not financially, maybe not physically, maybe not work wise, but sexy wise I was.

So enough of the waiting, enough of the ongoing delay for humorous effect, I am going to let you all know what is this smell. It is the greatest thing that I have ever put on my body. It is clean. It is fresh. It is what has made me. It is ck one!!! That's right, ck one. The incredible, wonderful, amazing, bisexual (read: unisex) fragrance from Calvin himself. It rose to popularity in the 90's, originally coming out in 1994. Not soon after it came out it was discovered by a young Andy K (so young the name Andy K did not even exist yet). The young man realized that he had found a fragrance that made him feel good. Sure he was pudgy. Sure he was awkward. Sure he was a little homo in the making. But he found something that at least would make him smell amazing.

I started wearing this wonderful fragrance all the time. I would always get it for a birthday or Christmas as to never run out. Eventually however the love I felt for it was forgotten by relatives and I stopped getting it for holidays. It was not the cheapest so I was unable to purchase it for myself, a fact that made me sad. I had to rely on other not so wonderful scents to do the trick, but the trick was they never tricked the way ck one did. I was now at the point to where I would just douse myself with ck one whenever I saw it as a tester fragrance. Did I make my friends and store workers stare at me in awkwardness? Yes. Did I care when that beautiful smell entered my nostrils and coated my body? HELL NO!

About a year or two ago my favorite cousins got me bottle for Christmas. I squealed in delight. They knew! They remembered! They loved me! I was so excited. I was able to get back to the good smelling me. And boy-how did it work! I started noticing that I was more confident, and that people would notice when I walked by. I would see friends from high school who said that I smelled like my old self, of course they meant in a good way, at least I hope. It was great. Sadly though, as all good things do, that bottle came to an end. I remembered as I spritzed my last spritz a single tear welled in my eye knowing that the end was here. I inhaled the delicious scent one last time and walked out of the apartment. Where would I go now? How would my life continue? Questioning everything I set out in a world without my smell.

After all this time, tonight happened. I went to drinks and dinner with my friend to Gloria's (don't worry, there will be plenty to talk about all my Gloria's times at a later date). We went knowing that we had to go to Macy's to do a little shopping. I needed to take some things back and get that God-loving store credit. So after a good meal and a few margaritas, we made our way to Macy's. With a fantastic buzz going I went to return my items for some store credit. After dealing with an 87 year old woman returning my items, I had $40.00 to spend. I got so excited. That is so much money! Then I looked around in my buzzing state and realized "Shit. I'm at Macy's. This ain't no Wal-Mart". That $40 is not going to do me a lot of good.

My friend was done. She wanted to leave so we started to exit the store. As we were coming down the escalator I saw the fragrance section. I let out a gay yelp, and realized what I needed to do. I needed to get my smell back! I immediately jumped off the moving escalator and started looking into all the glass cases holding perfume and cologne bottles. Polo? No that's Dad. Justin Bieber? No that's gay. Jennifer Lopez? No that's sad. Then I finally saw Calvin Klein. I darted straight over there and didn't see it. Shit. They don't have ck one. I looked up and saw two Macy's workers, one was a little gay boy with makeup on and that other was a limping black woman with a fabulous wig. I asked "Where's the ck one?", though it was not until after I said that I realized I kind of screamed it. They walked me over to another counter. There it was. Sitting in the counter waiting for me. The light was shining on the box like the full sun glistening on a calm lake. It was time. I was getting my smell back.

I whipped out my $40 store credit card, and pulled out my wallet for my debit card. I gave both cards to the limping black woman with that fabulous wig and she rung me up. She placed the large box with the bottle of greatness in a small bag, and handed it to me with a smile. I walked out with my friend with a skip in my step. I turned behind me to the black lady with the limp and a fabulous wig, and said "thank you so much! I'm gonna get laid this weekend!" She laughed and said "you go get 'em honey".

So there it is. I got my smell back. My gorgeous, delightful, magnificent smell back. This new year can now truly begin.

(Side note: I have always continued to smell good throughout my life. Please do not think without ck one that I have smelled like crap. I make sure that I never smell anything but good.)